How To Speak Up in Meetings with Confidence and Authority
Read the transcript.
Today, we're diving into a topic that often surfaces in my coaching sessions, and one that's close to my heart: the challenge of learning how to speak up in meetings.
It's a theme that has woven itself through my own career journey, sometimes as a stumbling block, other times as a stepping stone.
And I've found that sharing personal experiences can act as a powerful catalyst for change, so I'd like to begin by sharing some of my own stories.
In the second half of this blog, we will delve into the strategies and practical tips I've gathered along the way.
Learning how to speak up in meetings as an introvert
As many of you know, I am an introvert at heart.
I love deep one-on-one conversations, but I tend to get pretty nervous in a group. It takes a lot of energy for me to figure out how to show up and engage and jump in when multiple voices and personalities are at play.
During my formative years, I always felt shy in social settings, but within the four walls of a classroom, a different side of me emerged. I felt confident and eager to speak up. The convention of raising your hand in class made it so easy to show that I had something to contribute.
However, the confidence I had in school really wavered in grad school and as I began my professional career.
I've faced daunting situations, such as being the only woman in a small group of six in grad school, and experiencing anxiety when trying to voice my thoughts.
Later, transitioning from a ten-person startup to a 500-person startup in a period of “hypergrowth” was another significant challenge. I found myself quite far outside my comfort zone.
The high-pressure environment, coupled with the responsibility of leading a team, intensified my anxiety. I constantly felt like I needed to earn the right to be there and prove that I deserved to stay.
Navigating the rapid-fire culture of meetings was like trying to join a fast-paced dance already in progress.
But I realized speaking up was not just about personal growth; it was crucial for my role and progression within the company. And it was essential for making the difference I wanted to make, speaking up for customers, my team, and others whose voices and perspectives weren’t represented in the room.
If you're interested in hearing more about my journey of speaking up as an introvert, I delve deeper into these experiences in the podcast episode.
In this next section, I'll share some strategies that helped me navigate these challenges.
Unlocking the courage to speak up
Right in the thick of these challenges, I was once fortunate enough to attend a talk by Madeline Albright. It forever shifted my perspective on this challenge of speaking up.
She spoke candidly about being the only woman in important meetings filled with male heads of state.
She often felt different and would have preferred to quietly observe the room long before speaking up. But then she would remind herself that if she didn't speak up, the entire United States of America wouldn't be represented. She couldn't wait until tomorrow to speak up; she needed to speak up now.
This resonated deeply with me.
As an introvert, I, too, often prefer to listen, observe, and strategize before contributing. But Albright's words were a timely reminder to consider who I was representing. If I didn't speak up, who else's voice wouldn't be heard?
Of course, it's unfair to expect one person to represent everyone who shares their demographic characteristics.
Each of us is an individual and should be allowed to show up as such. But it can be empowering to consider who else you might be representing—whether it's other women at the company, your customers, your team, or anyone who is impacted by your work but not present to speak up for their own needs and perspective.
In essence, it's not just about ensuring your voice is heard but also about speaking up on behalf of those you're there to represent. Being different from others in the room is a challenge, but it is also a strength. It means you have a unique and valuable perspective to offer.
Practical tips for how to speak up in meetings
1.Find an ally to help you speak up in meetings.
One practical approach that I've found incredibly useful in these situations is to find an ally.
This can be your manager, a peer who’s often in the same meetings as you, or even the person who facilitates a meeting where you particularly want to contribute more.
If you feel safe enough to do so, open up to them about your professional goal to participate more actively in meetings and express your difficulties in interjecting into the conversation.
Ask for their help to bring you into the discussion. While this may seem awkward at first, in my experience, people are usually eager to help, especially those who are naturally extroverted or comfortable in such environments.
And if you're facilitating a meeting and notice someone is quiet, it's important to create space for them to contribute.
As a facilitator, it's your responsibility to foster an environment of equality and bring out the value each person offers. It can be nerve-wracking to single someone out for their opinion, but it becomes easier if the person themselves expresses a desire to contribute more.
Remember, practice is key. The more you speak up in similar settings, the more comfortable you'll become.
Eventually, you won't need someone else to create space for you in the conversation; you'll be able to do so yourself. However, it's perfectly okay, and sometimes crucial, to ask for help when you need it. So, take that first step, find your ally, express your goals, and start practicing your way to confident contributions in your meetings.
2. Get on the agenda.
Another effective strategy involves taking proactive steps to ensure your place in the conversation–by asking for a spot on the meeting agenda.
If the meeting has an organized schedule, reach out to the organizer. If there's a shared document outlining the discussion points, don't hesitate to add your topic.
This approach serves multiple purposes.
Firstly, it ensures you have a designated slot to present your insights, thereby removing the pressure of interjecting spontaneously.
Additionally, this approach allows you to share something of value with the group, positioning you as a knowledgeable contributor.
Instead of jumping into ongoing conversations, you initiate one about a topic you're both interested in and informed about. This not only boosts your confidence and authority but also encourages others to engage with you.
3. Get comfy with prepared presentations.
Embracing the power of prepared presentations can be another effective method for making your voice heard in meetings.
Whether it's a brief presentation with a few slides or a comprehensive discussion about your area of expertise, taking time to prepare can significantly reduce stress and help you communicate more effectively.
This approach allows you to set the tone and topic, providing you the space and freedom to decide how to present your thoughts.
Over time, as you practice, your confidence and authority grow, especially if you start presenting in front of smaller groups and gradually build up to larger ones or even conferences.
This skill differs from spontaneously contributing to discussions in progress or answering questions on the spot during panels. However, the more comfortable you become with prepared presentations, the easier it will be to think on your feet during unscripted moments.
And a caveat: Not everyone enjoys public speaking or giving presentations, and that's perfectly okay. The key here is to find strategies that work for you.
4. Get to know the people in your meetings on a more personal level.
Building personal connections with your colleagues can significantly enhance your confidence in speaking up during meetings.
If you frequently interact with the same individuals, consider scheduling one-on-one meetings with them. These could be casual coffee chats, even over Zoom, where you get to know each other on a more personal level.
Approach these conversations with thoughtful questions about their work, their role, their challenges, and how they envision working with you.
Here are some topics to ask about as you’re getting to know a colleague:
What brought you here (to this company)?
(If you’re new) Do you have any advice for me? What do you wish you’d known when you first started here?
Past work experience: I saw that you worked at (previous company). What was that like for you? What kinds of things did you learn while you were there?
The city they live in: What part of town do you live in? How do you like your neighborhood?
Interests outside of work: What kinds of things do you get up to outside of work? What do you like to do on the weekends?
This doesn't just help you understand their perspectives better but also humanizes them, making them less intimidating in group settings. Even if your chat veers off into shared interests like pets, it contributes to creating a familiar and comfortable environment.
Group meetings can sometimes feel like you've walked into a large, talkative family dinner—with someone else’s family. Building personal relationships helps alleviate this feeling.
Even having one “work friend” who understands and supports you can bolster your confidence. You can cheer each other on, making the process of speaking up less daunting.
5. Simply send a follow-up email.
Remember that speaking up isn't limited to the meeting itself.
Follow-up emails are a powerful tool to share thoughts you may not have voiced during the meeting. This allows you to contribute to the discussion, supporting your journey of becoming more vocal in meetings.
Even if you've tried all the strategies to voice your thoughts during the meeting but still felt unable to do so, it's okay. Sometimes, it's beneficial to allow yourself more time to process the discussion beyond the intense 30-minute meeting.
If something was on your mind, or you had an insight you believe would be valuable, don't hesitate to share it in a concise email afterward.
If you're someone who enjoys writing and finds it easier to articulate your thoughts in written form, use this to your advantage. It's a space where you can express your ideas without the pressure of immediate responses or interruptions.
As you consistently provide valuable insights through these follow-up emails, your colleagues will start recognizing your contributions. They may even begin to proactively include you in the discussions during the meeting, as they'll want to hear your insights sooner.
6. Try not to take it too personally.
If you're finding it challenging to speak up in meetings, I want to gently remind you that it doesn’t reflect your capabilities and also might not reflect the group's perception of you. It could simply be a matter of cultural or personal differences or varying communication styles.
Especially when you feel different or out of sync with the group, it's easy to assume that perhaps others are speaking rapidly or overlapping each other because they don't want to hear from you.
While there certainly are situations where this is indeed the case, it's also important to check in with yourself and identify which feelings are stemming from within you.
These mismatches in communication don’t always imply a personal fault on anyone's part.
Some people naturally speak faster, while others require more time and space to articulate their thoughts. Recognizing these differences can help in understanding the dynamics of your meetings better and working towards finding your voice amidst the diverse communication styles.
It's okay to take your time to respond in conversations. After all, the goal is effective communication, not speed.
7. Allow your body to help you.
One often-overlooked tip for speaking up in meetings is to engage your body. Our physical state can greatly influence our mental state and how we perceive ourselves.
Firstly, consider your posture during meetings. Are you comfortable? Do you feel grounded?
When we sit at the same height as others around the table, it can help us feel more on par with them. If you're working from home, experiment with different positions that make you feel grounded and confident. Perhaps standing tall during a meeting might help you feel more assertive.
Secondly, utilize certain techniques before and after meetings.
Stretching or adopting “power poses” can help you feel more in control and confident. There's a wealth of information available on power poses and their impact on our confidence and authority, including TED talks and books. Think of yourself as a singer; your whole body becomes your instrument, not just your voice.
Thirdly, consider your clothing. Wearing something comforting or empowering can influence how you feel about yourself and boost your confidence. Even if you're not on video, dressing in a way that makes you feel good can have a positive impact.
Lastly, don't be afraid to physically show when you want to contribute. This could mean standing up and sketching something on a whiteboard or simply raising your hand. These physical cues can help signal to others that you have something to say.
Experiment with what works best for you, and remember, your body and mind are interconnected. Supporting one can benefit the other.
8. Pay attention to patterns.
A practical strategy for understanding when and why you find it challenging to speak up in meetings is to look for patterns. One method I've found useful involves color-coding meetings on my calendar.
For instance, after a week has passed, review your meetings and categorize them into three groups: green for meetings where you felt comfortable and contributed, yellow for those where it was a bit tougher, and red for those where you didn't contribute at all.
This system, which can be easily implemented on platforms like Google Calendar, can help you identify patterns related to when and why you struggle to voice your thoughts.
Upon reviewing these color-coded meetings, ask yourself if there are common factors among the yellow or red meetings:
Are there certain individuals present in those meetings?
Do they concern a specific project?
Or are they high-pressure situations that are either personally significant or broadly high stakes?
Identifying these commonalities can provide valuable insights into the situations where you find it most challenging to speak up.
Once you've identified these patterns, it becomes easier to define the problem more clearly.
This clarity, in turn, allows you to experiment with more targeted and effective solutions, thereby enhancing your confidence and ability to speak up in meetings.
Concluding thoughts: How to speak up in meetings
In conclusion, it's important to remember that your unique voice and perspective are valuable, and there are various ways you can amplify them without compromising who you are.
If you're naturally quiet or introspective, know that these traits are strengths, not weaknesses.
You don't have to transform into a fast talker, a constant interrupter, or someone you're not, in order to make your voice heard.
The strategies discussed in this blog post are all tools to help you navigate meetings more confidently. They are designed to assist you in finding your own rhythm and style of communication.
So, here's to all my fellow introverts! Continue being true to yourselves while also letting your ideas and insights shine.
And remember: speaking up is not about changing who you are but about sharing all that you have to contribute.
If you loved this podcast, be sure to check out:
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